Journey to Promethea

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Terence Gavish

3 comments

  • Rufus T. Firefly 12 months ago
    1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
    1.0 out of 5 stars
    A Journey That No One Can Prepare For, July 18, 2016
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    This review is from: Journey to Promethea (Amazon Video)
    The Perilous Journey to Prometha begins with a more than epic orchestra and a camera panning across stock footage of what is probably the Scandinavian wilderness. This beautiful footage and the joy I received from observing the tranquil and sprawling forests from some Scandinavian country (maybe Canada) was abruptly cut short by a man, presumably in his mid-20s or 30s, wielding a mighty plastic sword and a suit of armor crafted from the finest refurbished tin in the land. While it is not mentioned in the movie, the grandmaster armorer/weapon smith hailed from the land of Payless. At this point I was uncertain if I was still watching the movie or watching rejects from the renaissance faire being sent away somewhere, but what I did know was that I preferred watching the awe inspiring beauty of the still unidentified forest previous mentioned. Already shaken, I was unprepared for what would happen next. Apparently the director, Daniel Garcia, believed that us the viewers were not intelligent and observant enough to gather what is happening in this far away land so he had arranged to have a narrator give us dissertations every now and again to help our “slow” minds grasp the complexity of current affairs in Promethea. What Daniel Garcia fails to understand is that a plot that requires someone else to explain it to you is a bad plot to begin with and should be made (by Geneva Convention standards) more tolerable. Keep in mind that the narrator is the best character in the movie. Remember that orchestra I mentioned in the beginning? Daniel Garcia believed that the guy who made music for Loony Toon cartoons could do a better job composing symphonies and background music then the actually talented people. So the Journey to Promethea may continue without epic music and good story telling, but its fight scenes are something to be observed. I do of course mean observed by medical professionals because after minutes of practicing for these fight scenes it becomes apparent that no one is entirely confident in their counterparts recollection of the fight choreography. Then again, maybe Daniel Garcia intended the sword fights to be in slow motion but neglected to make that obvious because he was engulfed in working on the main characters background story. It is here where Daniel Garcia most likely specialized when he dropped out of film director school because of the hard work and “revolutionary ambiguity” he puts into the protagonists background. We know that our hero, played by an actor named Billy (can you think of a more epic name?), is a young teenage peasant (who at some part in the movie is dressed like a cliché Kung Fu character) who is untrained in the art of milking a cow (this is captured in a 1 minute and 30 second failed milking montage sequence followed by a 5 second milking montage where he somehow fills an entire bucket with milk without actually milking the cow). One could speculate that the bucket was never filled with milk because said bucket was knocked over slightly after and no milk at all came out whatsoever, but this is purely conjecture. Then again this is not the only anomaly that occurs in the movie. In the aftermath of a sword fight, 2 small fires are present in the background, where just a second ago there was no fire. No one, not even Billy, explains how or why those fires started. Something else never explained is teleporting chickens and how that doesn’t raise eyebrow’s or spark fear in the hearts of these simple minded peasants. Did I mention that the entire film was done in one guys basement and another guys backyard and not the Scandinavian/Canadian wilderness from the opening credits? And that the cliché main antagonist’s name is Laypach (pronounced Lame-Patch)? Lastly, every good-looking female between the ages of 17-40 only wears 2 piece swimsuits and other such comparable attire. All products must have been purchased from Victoria’s Ye Old Secret. All other women have to wear filthy rags salvaged from the crypts where poor French peasants from the 1700s were buried, or whatever they could steal from a historical re-enactors closet before they woke up. Here is a list of places you should journey too instead of Promethea: The DMV, Your Mother in laws house, The “family friendly tour” at the IRS Headquarter building, Detroit, or your local leech field.
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  • 12 months ago
    2.0 out of 5 stars
    Journey to Promethea a 2-1/2 star Realization of Prophecy!, June 23, 2016
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    This review is from: Journey to Promethea (Amazon Video)
    This plot description for “Journey to Promethea” (a made-for-tv-movie) is likely to interest many swords-and-sorcery fans. In addition, I have a fondness for Billy Zane, and I was glad to find another film featuring this actor. Unfortunately, for someone who got used to “B-films” in the years when all we could afford were dollar theaters. Face it–some of those films have become cult classics! Sad to say, this film is not likely to join that esteemed group.

    There is virtually nothing about this film that is noteworthy. The plot is a bit too predictable–its focus is on petty jealousies and the quest for a hero to lead them to Promethea–and most of the dialogue could have been written by a high school student, The costuming looks as if a lot of Renaissance-fair-fans donated their not-very-authentic gowns and doublets to the wardrobe department. I actually recognized the “circlet” worn by the princess as a type of metallic braid that I used to edge sleeves on a dress. The princesses’ ladies-in-waiting are dressed in swimming suits topped by halter-tops and skimpy barely-covers-your-crotch “skirts” that are slit up one side so that every movement reveals the suit-bottom underneath,

    Part of the problem is that the filmmakers don’t seem to have figured out who their target audience ought to be– children or adults. Children probably wouldn’t mind the costumes and the dialogue; given the flaws in a lot of television dramas made-for-children, in some respects “Journey to Promethea” would fit right in. However, there are situations in the film that are totally inappropriate for children. Even if the skimpy costuming were not potentially offensive, there is a scene in which one of the princess’ ladies tries to seduce the hero, and when he rejects her, she tries to accuse him of attacking her. The word “rape” may not have been used, but that is the all-too-obvious suggestion.

    All this having been said, there is an actor whose stellar performance should be acknowledged. Louis Herthum plays Ari, a former soldier who is now wandering throughout the kingdom. Ari trains Magnus (the hero-of-the-piece) how to fight. Ari helps Magus to understand how a good king ought to rule.Not only does Herthum deliver a solid job as actor, but his character plays an essential role in helping Magnus to fulfill the prophecy that is the center of the story — the defeat of an evil king and the deliverance of his subjects to the fabled land of Promethea.

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  • 12 months ago
    2.0 out of 5 stars
    Don’t waste your time with this one…!, June 4, 2016
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    This review is from: Journey to Promethea (Amazon Video)
    Maybe I was a glutton for punishment, but I watched it to the end…. (I only gave it two stars because I “don’t like” the film…, and giving it one star would mean I “hated” the movie.) In my opinion, this movie contains a somewhat plausible fantasy script, but it failed because of poor photography, poor acting, and a poor quality level within the overall film…, and I’d have to question who could have allowed it to be this bad, unless it was more than just the director…? Surely someone must’ve been able to have a feel for just how badly this film was progressing…! I guess the main goal was completion, so I do credit the cast and crew for that…, but I can’t say it’s a film that I would ever recommend for anyone to watch. Unless…, maybe it could serve as an example of a disaster that someone could learn to build upon…? Many of the character actors could have been coached to give decent performances, and surely someone could’ve come up with better voice effects, special visual effects, and better prosthetic aids and makeup for their fantasy characters. I’ve always thought that poor editing has ruined many a film, but the editors need to have decent material to piece together a good film. Unfortunately, I didn’t see much material within this film, that would’ve allowed a creative editor to have much of a chance to save this production. Please…, no matter what your age group, do yourself a favor, and spend your money and viewing time on another film…!
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